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By John M. Bigler This month I'd like to take off my lawyer hat and write about an issue that's more concerned with social work than law. It's a problem that's bothered me since I first became involved in the field of elder law. And it's this: the danger to which caregivers are constantly exposed.
In my role as an attorney, I've counseled thousands of caregivers. More often than not I never even get to meet the person who's actually my client, that being the person suffering from sickness or disease. I admit to having great admiration for those who sacrifice part or all of their life for the benefit of a sick loved one. It is therefore terribly distressing to me when I get a phone call indicating that the caregiver, with whom I have developed a bond, has either suffered a serious injury or has died. Yet, this is a call I've received all too many times in the course of my career.
I can warn caregivers while they're sitting in my office until I'm blue in the face as to he dangers of their occupation. Most of them nod understandingly, but then as the result of their love and dedication and very often because of unnecessary feelings of guilt, they continue to wear themselves out caring for a beloved family member or friend.
The physical, mental and emotional toll that caregiving can exact on an individual is amazing to me. I've met caregivers who have aged before my eyes as I continue to work with them. I have had people come into my offices with casts or walkers, neck braces or shoulder slings, all as the result of injuries suffered in attempting to care for a loved one.
Sometimes those are the lucky ones. More times than I care to remember, I've received a call from a relative that Mrs. Smith died and think I have heard wrong - that it must be Mr. Smith. After all, he was the one that Mrs. Smith came in to see me about. But no, it was Mrs. Smith who died suddenly.
In my own family, a beloved aunt tripped and fell while running to answer the ringing bell of her husband, a stroke victim. She fractured her hip, was hospitalized and within a relatively short time, passed away. Then I became my uncle's caregiver and for the first time understood a little of what my elderly aunt was going through.
The ill can be very demanding, though they may not intend to be. I can only try to imagine the horror of being an Alzheimer's victim. Yet the toll that Alzheimer's disease takes on the loved ones of the victim is enormous. I make this point because too often the strain of caregiving is ignored.
I believe that there's a perception in the community at large that many people placed in nursing homes don't belong there, that many family members are greedy and are only concerned with protecting assets. My experience has been completely the opposite. Although there are a few instances of people who are obviously only concerned with making their lives easier and protecting their proposed inheritance, I can count those people on my fingers. Typically the people that I meet are going way beyond their own limits of endurance in trying to keep an ill family member out of a nursing home. Unfortunately, by draining themselves, they sometimes insure that the ill person will end up in a nursing home.
I make this point because I hope that maybe one person who reads this and is a caregiver will take heed and give some thought to caring for themselves. There are wonderful support groups available for just about all of the various diseases. As I've mentioned in the past, I'm involved with the Long Island Alzheimer's Association. That association has a series of wonderful support groups where caregivers can meet with others who have gone through the same situation and can guide them with their experience. Very often, even a short respite of a few hours a day at a meeting or to take a walk or play a round of golf, go to a movie or visit with friends will help a caregiver immensely and will prolong their ability to continue in their selfless work.
Typically caregivers are spouses, but they can also be children as well as more distant relatives and even friends. All of these people do their job without any thought of remuneration. They will come to an elder-law attorney to preserve assets, but it is not their primary concern. I have to say that for me, the best part of my practice is that I get to meet so many of these admirable people. May you all continue your good work and stay well.
For further information about support groups, contact the Alzheimer's Association at 3281 Veterans Memorial Highway, Suite E-13, Ronkonkoma, 11779, (631) 580-5100.
Reprinted with permission of the Suffolk Times © 2000
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We all know that professions such as police work, fire fighting, or even flying airplanes are dangerous. We see terrible stories in the newspaper about the risks that these people take and sometimes the injuries and even deaths that occur. But I'd bet that even more dangerous than any of those occupations is that of a caregiver for an ill person, especially one who has a disease that by its nature, makes it impossible to cooperate with the caregiver and may even cause them to do whatever they can to work against what the caregiver considers their best interest.